First day

Posted: July 15, 2009 by fievel in Labels: , ,

First day has passed.

I touched down to the strangely familiar cold yet sunny winter of Sydney this morning at 630am. People were friendly in the way everyone dealt with each other, even on the simplest things like asking how you are, asking if you need help with this and that...I totally felt the sensation of having arrived in a non-asian culture environment. Grass is greener, literally, sun is shinier, heck even the air smells more invigorating.

Yet somehow, the lens through which I now assess my new habitat is different than that of a 20 odd years old student, or a tourist, or any other forms of a temporary resident; I took on the lens of someone intent on making this place my home for the next many many years to come. And it had an effect.

It's the first time I have ever experienced the sensation of everything feeling right superficially and yet wrong on a spiritual level. Scorn, laugh, critic all you want, but this is truely how I felt throughout the course of the day. I actually felt like the nice feeling was not deserving. I see my dad and my mum's and my in-law's faces a lot as I coursed through the day. Family somehow became something that I couldn't shake off my mind. Shirley, yes, but that I can discern the whys and hows.

This is not the way I pictured it to turn out and I already feel like a mega-self-sabotaguer on the first day. I hope the next few days will somehow bring about a more crystalized conclusion for me on the whys, hows and whats.